Right after I graduated college this spring I felt myself get incredibly complacent with life. Part of me felt a little lost without the constant structure and pressure that school provided, I think another part of me was a little unsure of itself as if to say “well this is the path that you’ve chosen in life and I’m not 100% sure it is going to make you happy” and for some reason part of me desperately wanted to escape and get away, to try starting a life without the career that I had built for myself, the friends that I had, the place that I live, and all that I had established for myself throughout my lifetime. The mixture of all of those things was a very interesting feeling to grasp, and when the rational part of my brain started to kick in, the part of your brain that has an inherent instinct for survival and says “No, maybe it’s not the best idea to run away from all of the things that you have built for yourself” I felt oddly paralyzed and incapable of pursuing all of the things that I knew I could pursue up until that point.
What I was experiencing was not necessarily a lack of self confidence, or a fear of the unknown, or anything like that. I just think that for a solid month or so I felt like I had “arrived” and had accomplished all of the things that I had wanted to accomplish up until that point. The problem was that whatever this sense of accomplishment was, I rationally did not posses it but instead felt it on a subconscious level. I guess a better way to put it was that all of the sudden I had lost my “drive” and whereas one month prior I was waking up at 5:45am, running 5 miles a day, going to class for eight hours straight, and then catching up with work for my job after class, I was now having a hard time just waking up for work at 8:30am.
What was weird was how hard for me it was to find enjoyment in all of the things that I used to love. Exercising felt oddly pointless to me, all of my music sounded the same, and even working the two jobs that I loved (my job here at Pianobreaks, and my job with a production company) seemed oddly burdensome.
